


Picture Perfect

by lazy_kawa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, College, Crying, Cute, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Hospitals, I'm Sorry, Kozume Kenma - Freeform, KuroKen - Freeform, Kuroo Tetsurou - Freeform, Love, M/M, School, Sickfic, Tears, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazy_kawa/pseuds/lazy_kawa
Summary: Saudade/sᴏᴜ’ᴅᴀ̈ᴅᴇ/ • ɴᴏᴜɴ𝐀 𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐠𝐢𝐜 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭, 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Picture Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi~ a little BokuAka angst never hurt anyone... lol that's a lie hehe anyways enjoy!<3

_Reminder: Akaashi is 19 and Bokuto is 20._

Akaashi's POV

"Keijii! We got in the same dorm!"

I looked over at the door, I knew who it was but I looked anyways. "I know Koutaru, please don't run in the halls with boxes that have the sign 'Fragile' on it." He pouted a little and set the box down carefully.

I smiled and went back to organizing the kitchen cabinets, I assumed he went back to get more of his stuff, but I felt a warm body pressed up against my back and 2 muscular arms around my waist.

I stopped what I was doing and turned my head slightly, his golden eyes were begging me to let him hold me, I gave in and went back to what I was doing earlier.

He snuggled his nose into the crook of my neck, "Keiji~~!!"

"Yes Koutaru..?" He let got of me and I slouched down a bit, suddenly, he took my hands and swirled me around the room. "Ah- Koutaru!" I gripped onto his shirt, we were spining in a room full of frail items, it could've been dangerous, he snickered and had a silly grin etched out on his face.

"That was dangerous Koutaru. Don't do that, besides the floor is scattered with boxes." I push myself off of him and brush the dust off of my clothes, Koutaru only smiled and galloped around like a 5 year old kid.

I went around the whole dorm, checking if anything was out of place, luckily nothing was, except for Koutaru's room and his share of the dorm.

We got this dorm by luck, apparently there was an extra special dorm that was in use, me and Koutaru only got it by chance. The normal dorms, that we would've gotten, are much smaller and there's only 1 large room which you and your roommate share, a bathroom which is connected and a mini kitchen. Special dorms are either excessed by money or academic skills, neither me or Koutaru have money, my academic skills are an average while Koutaru's are ok, I suppose.

"Keijiiii! Help me unpack pleasee!!" His begging was loud enough to hear from the opposite side, I sighed and tiredly went over to help.

I opened the door to what was supposed to be where he was, but he wasn't. "Koutaru! Where are you?!" I yelled, "I'm in your room!!" He answered, I took a deep breath in and calmly walked to my room.

I twisted the silver door handle and opened the door slowly, what I imagined before entering was him covered in those weird packaging peanuts. And that's exactly what was in front of me.

I sweat-dropped and my head flopped downwards, "you're supposed to be in your room, which is by the bathroom.." I held my head up a bit, all I heard from him was a simple 'oh'.

"Well.. Can I just sleep in your room? We'll use that one as a guest room for when Kuroo comes!" 

"I doubt Kuroo-san will come over, he's busy with Kenma. We can just use it for storage or a study room I guess." I sat down beside him and started plucking packaging peanuts out of his hair. "So then I can sleep here?" He teased, I sighed and showed him a tired smile. "Sure."

**. . .**

"Koutaru, what does 432-59-132, simplify to?" I asked, this Friday we have a huge test on exponents in Algebra, negatives and positives. Since Koutaru had a gap year before applying to college with me, he said he didn't want to be above me or below me, so he decided to be by me. 

I guess right now you can call it a study date? Or maybe just a tutoring lesson, math has always been one of Koutaru's weaknesses. "Hmm, I dunno!" 

I sighed and wrote down the problem, "alright, you put the negative exponents at the bottom, and they become positives." He wrote that down, I think, his writing is too messy for me to read.

"Ok so it's 4332  259 now," I wrote the numbers and he copied, 4332 and drew a line under it and wrote 259\. So it looked like a fraction. Koutaru caught up quickly, as a reward for his quick learning I played with his hair, earlier he took a shower so his hair is down now. Still a bit wet but it was soft and smooth. 

He had a huge smile on his face when I began ruffling his hair, he leaned his head into the center of my palm more. "I like it when you play with my hair.." He mumbled, "Oh? Then I'll do it more often if you'd like." He hummed in response, and I pulled away.

"Now, 32 is?" I asked, he held the bottom of his pencil to his cheek and thought for a while, I watched him try and get the right answer but while I was waiting for an answer I got a little sleepy. 

My eyes were barely open, I laid my head on his shoulder. "Hm? Are you tired Keiji?" I tried to shake my head no, but it was no use. "It's already 10:57 pm, we can go to bed Keiji." _It's that late?_ I lifted my head and began putting away our study notes, but once I stood up from my chair, my legs gave out.

"Huh? Keiji? Woa-" He caught me and held me up, his muscular arms holding my tiny body compared to his. I never realized how big he was, he trained a lot during his gap year, nearing the end he received a offer to be a member of the Japan National Volleyball Team. 

Of course he said yes, but he wanted to have a bit of college experience first, due to his mother's persistence. 

"Ah.. Sorry Koutaru, my legs gave out for a second, I can walk now." That was just an excuse to get away from him, although we are officially in a relationship, I don't know how to express my love for him so I try and distance myself a few times, just because I'm too flustered. 

"Telling by how tired you are, you can't it's alright! I'll carry you," he reassured me, I avoided eye contact while he carried me carefully to our room. 

We soon arrived in our room, he set me down carefully and we ended up cuddling. His embrace was warm, we've been dating ever since I was a 2nd year, but I never showed any emotion on my face but I always loved it when we cuddled.

"Hey Keiji.."

"Yes?"

"How long do you plan on staying in college for?" 

I looked up slightly from his chest, his expression was dead serious. Somehow I know what he was thinking, he wants to stay with me. Few weeks ago, I returned from English class late since I enrolled in the Literature major, he was stressed out in front of his computer, hands through his hair and a visible frown on his face. 

That night his golden-hued eyes were teary from telling me that he might have to leave for 2 years, which is a requirement for the MSBY Black Jackals National Volleyball Team. 

He always told me how scared he was if something happened to me without him there, since he was left behind when he went away once or twice. 

"Only for 2 years, I'll be here when you come back. We'll have a house and everything, alright?" I reassured him, his breathing was steady again.

We slept peacefully that night.

* * *

A year into college, Koutaru dropped out in the middle of it to go with his volleyball passion. 

It wasn't a easy ride for him to drop out completely, of course his mother was mad but couldn't help it since he's 21 now, I turned 20 around 5 months ago. 

The principal understood that I didn't want to share the dorm, although it's basically crossing one of the school rules that he made himself, he let it slide just because it was Koutaru's personal request and that the MSBY Black Jackals are his favourite team. Playing favourites but it isn't a problem for me, a dorm all to myself is fine.

Koutaru trains almost daily, he disappears randomly. He now lives with his mother again.

"Keijii! Come on! Stop admiring the tree when you have mee~!" He whined, pulling at my sleeves a bit. I giggled a little and made my body face him instead, although it is a pretty Cherry Blossom tree. 

He went on and ran, jumping along, imitating random animals, "hmm.. Say 'Onigiri' Koutaru!" I took my camera out and took a couple pictures of him switching from a surprised face to a wide grin. I scrolled through them, treasuring each one. 

He ran up to me, "Hey hey! I wanna take a few pictures too!" I handed the camera to him, showing him the correct buttons to press, it's weird to adjust to a digital camera instead of the one on your phone. He got the hang of it and started to take pictures of random things in the park, flowers, birds, trees. 

I walked under the Cherry blossom tree, admiring it's beauty. I was in a good mood, until a faint click sound in the background. "Koutaru!"

"Heheh! You look good in this photo! Your smiling~ I never realized how pretty you look in a turtle neck Keiji," I felt my cheeks heat up, I took the camera from him and quickly looked at the photo he took. 

It was a standard photo, it was well focused, which is a surprise since it was Koutaru who took the photo. Under a Cherry blossom, the green grass, me in the middle smiling. I never took too much consideration of smiling, it was never my thing anyways.

I looked back at Koutaru, who was looking over my shoulder at the photo. "I look weird. I'm gonna delete it." I was about to press the 'delete' button, but then he grabbed my hand. "Noo! I like it~~ pleasee keep it? You may think that you look weird, but I don't!" He begged me, he then kissed my forehead, nose, cheeks and lips, another way of begging. "Fine fine, I won't delete it just for you." I then tip toed and kissed his forehead.

We continued with our park date, most of it was taking pictures. Koutaru had this amazing idea of taking pictures throughout the years of us dating, whenever we went out or when something 'cool' happens, then print them out and make a picture wall in our future house. I took lots of pictures in high school so I thought 'why not?'. 

"Hey Keiji! Let's go play volleyball in our old gym!!" He suggested while running in front of me, I tilted my head to the side, and sighed. "How are we going to do that Koutaru? I'm pretty sure that's trespassing." A little smirk appeared on his face, he pulled out a key which looks familiar but I can't remember where I saw it. 

Then my brain clicked, "I have the gym key~!" My eyebrows raised up on their own and my mouth gaped open. "What?! How?" I ask, he had a shitty grin on his face. He always had that whenever he either won or felt superior in a way. 

"When I was about to graduate, I begged the principal to give me a spare gym key incase if I wanted to practice there!" He admitted, I was surprised at how idiotic he was. No normal teenager, or at least one with a brain, would beg their principal for a key to anywhere in the school after graduation. 

"Well.. Fine. No one should be there since it's the 2nd, school would start on the 5th." I agreed, it's been 2 years since I've been there. At this time, I'm guessing that the Cherry blossoms are still a pale pink, indicating that school is close.

**. . .**

"Again!" He threw the ball at me, I set myself under it, counting for the perfect time to set it. I heard the squeaking of his shoes as he jumped, once it came falling down, I put enough force into it to the perfect height and width away from the net for him. 

The impact of the ground and the ball was loud, just like in our high school days, whenever the ball hit the ground on the other side of the court, it was satisfying for the whole team. But it satisfied Koutaru the most, "Hey hey hey!! That was perfect Keiji!" He praised me, "Thanks Bokuto-san.." 

"Pfft- hahaha!" His laughter filled the empty gym, it took me a second to realize what I said. "Uhm.. Sorry, it was a habit back then..." I mumbled out of embarrassment. 

He patted my back and kissed my cheek, "that was a habit? Pretty weird habit Akaaaaashiiii~" he teased, sluring my name like he did it in his last year of high school. 

"Hmm I know, Koutaru. I love you," a soft giggle escaped my mouth, his eyes were half lidded and he kissed the tip of my nose. 

I went over to get the volleyball that he spiked earlier until something popped into my mind. "Koutaru, wasn't this the place where you confessed to me?" 

"Huh? Hmm, I think so?" I chuckled, "you think?" 

"It was after practice, you went on about how great I was with setting the ball perfectly for you, and then the words 'I love you!' slipped out and everyone went silent." I reminded him, it was an embarrassing story but cute. 

"Yeah! You still set the ball perfectly! Your the greatest Keiji!" He praised me again, and suffocated me in a hug. 

I took many shots of us in the gym doing a regular set on camera, that day was filled with laughter.

One of my treasured days, reliving high school.

* * *

_ Reminder: Akaashi is 21 and Bokuto is 22 _

Koutaru left for Brazil a year ago, or at least it felt like a year.

It's now March, today is graduation day, Koutaru isn't here to see but Kuroo and Kenma came in his place. Not that I'm mad about it, I'll just leave afterwards anyways. 

I don't have any friends here, only studied alone, worked alone and stayed alone. Kuroo is going with the 4 year route, same as Kenma. I had minor interactions with them, but most of those were with Koutaru after he dropped out I focused on my studies more, at some point during the year I got glasses since my eyesight became blurry. 

I've taken many photos for Koutaru, we chat almost daily, video chat randomly but sometimes he disappears for days and comes back with 'Keijji! The training is hell here!! Take me backkkkkk' of course he doesn't mean it, it just indicates that he hates everything there.

"Keiji Akaashi!" The principal called out, I got up from my seat and walked up onto the podium-like stage. Kenma and Kuroo's eyes were directly onto me and it felt uncomfortable to witness, I've noticed whenever they focus their attention on something, their pupils dilate like a cat's. 

**. . .**

_You have received 3 new messages from **Koutaru <3 **at 2:55 pm _

**2:55 pm March 13th 2019**

**Koutaru <3**

[Hey hey hey!!]

[Keijii did you graduate yet?]

[Show me your face plsss Tsum-Tsum keeps picking on me!]

**Me**

[Good afternoon Koutaru.]

[I did, the ceremony was casual, Kuroo and Kenma came. Turns out they skipped class together.]

[My face?]

**Koutaru <3**

[Kuroo's gonna turn out to be a big dumb dumb if he keeps skipping!(￣▽￣)ノ]

[Yeah your face! I haven't seen you in foreverrr!!]

An enthusiastic texter, is what I would describe Koutaru as. Loud, hardworking, eager and difficult to handle. Even his mother said that he was fussy as a child.

**Me**

[Koutaru, you used to skip a lot too.]

[Um.. Ok give me a minute.]

I tried to take a photo of myself, but none of them looked nice. I just ended up sending him a photo I took a couple weeks ago for a last minute school project. Which was to take a photo of yourself, add a quote, a few facts about you and then turn it in. A simple last project but not necessary in the slightest.

**Koutaru <3**

[Eh?? Keiji! Are you tricking me?! ＼（Ｔ∇Ｔ）／ you sent me that photo 3 days ago!]

Ah, I've been caught. 

**Me**

[I don't look the greatest right now.]

**Koutaru <3**

[Nonsense! You always look lovely to me!❤]

_Incoming FaceTime call from **Koutaru <3**_

We ended up chatting until 2 in the morning, 6 in the morning for him, he woke up Atsumu by accident and that's when we ended the call. But during the call, he said that the trip would be extended for another 5 months or so.

Which gives me plenty of time to search for a house that's big enough for both of us, work my new job as a manga editor, and have a stable life before he comes back. After graduation, I applied to many literature districts, however, I only got in a manga working station, which is better than no job but it wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

* * *

"Ah.. Mail for.. Keiji Akaashi.."

"Hm? Over here!" 

It's been around 3 months and 29 days since I graduated, I'm working a stable job and earning a starting salary per hour, 1,688.40 yen(21 CAD$) The only downside is that Koutaru's gifts are going to demolish my work desk.

The mail man set the box on top of my desk, leaned on it and looked at me with a lazy expression. "Jeez, you have one clingy boyfriend." I smiled, "I do.".

He left after a cup of coffee to deliver more packages around the area, I opened the package he delivered, expecting another photo of him to hang somewhere for decoration, but what I actually got was a cute owl keychain and a letter. Well more like a note but whatever.

My co-worker, Tenma Udai a manga artist who I'm working with, peaked over at my desk, "wow Akaashi-kun, your boyfriend really loves to show affection huh? Your lucky that our boss has the same situation as you, or else she would've just lost her mind from how many times the mail man comes here!" He joked and stretched.

It's true, our boss has a clingy husband and daughter who just turned 5, they send in at least 7 gifts a month. Most of the time she throws out the useless stuff her husband buys her and keeps her daughters stuff in a drawer, my desk is filled with a bunch of photos in frames, or supportive notes he sends. 

I took the note out of the box to read more clearly, since I could only see the letters, s, o and v. 

_See you soon Keiji! <3_

Is all that was on the note, I didn't think much of it. 

**. . .**

"I'll be the first one to leave, excuse me." I packed my hand bag and left, a few 'thanks for your hard work' phrases left their mouths as I walked out the door.

I got in my car and checked my phone for any new messages.

_You have received 9 new messages from **Koutaru <3 **at 12:19 pm_

**12:19 pm July 11th 2019**

**Koutaru <3**

[HEY HEY HEYY!!]

[Keiji! I can't remember the house address you sent me when you showed me the house you bought!]

[Nvm! I remembered!(*^▽^*)]

[Did you get your present yet? I have another one so we match!]

[Wow! I didn't know you printed out the photos we took few years ago! That's sick!]

[Keiji!! I know you love me and all but I didn't think you'd put the photos I sent you out on display!((ඏ.̫ඏ*))]

*Image png*

[You still kept the Fukurodani jackets!]

[Haha! I will forever look great it them!╭ (o‿ o#)ᕗ Though their a little tight:(]

[You have an Alexa!! Just gonna play around with it :P]

**5:41 pm**

**Me**

[Koutaru, how do you know I still have our high school jackets]

[And that I have an Alexa?]

**Koutaru <3**

[Hm? Oh! Wait-!!]

My brain clicked, I pressed the gas pedal and drove straight home without a second thought. 

**. . .**

I soon arrive in the drive way, there was no other car, _he probably got a ride from his mother or something. But that isn't the issue!_ I jogged over to the front of my house, let my house use the phone ID recognition. Once the door unlocked, I threw my shoes off and searched through the house. 

I got to the last room which I haven't checked, my bedroom which is on the top floor. I opened the door slowly, cautious of anything that could pop out. 

Nothing, I opened the door completely and checked behind the door, "Koutaru? Are you-" I was cut off by a sob, I sprinted to the far side of the room, where the bed was and there was a gap between the wall and bed, turns out a all too familiar head of hair with frosted tips poking out from behind. 

"Koutaru..?" I poked his shoulder, which felt more muscular then ever, he shifted his head slowly. 

His eyes were rimmed red, cheeks wet from tears and eyes all shinny, I was about to ask what was wrong but then I saw a photo of me when I was a baby in his hands. "Koutaru. Stop crying and put that picture back." I commanded, turning away from him, showing my back to him and sitting at the edge of **our** bed. 

"K-keiji.." He called out, with his mushy voice that I missed for 2 years, his hand rested on my shoulder. I didn't respond, crossed my arms and turned my head away. _I actually thought he was crying over something serious._ "Hmph!"

"I'm sorryyyy, it was just that you were so cute in that photo! I haven't seen you in person for 2 yearsss!!!" He begged, and begged. "You should've at least warned me about you coming back! How did you even get in?!" He shut up after that, I felt a bit guilty, _I shouldn't be mean. He just came back.._

"I'm sor-"

"I climbed through the top window." Bare silence fell upon us, "what?! You? Climbed through the top window!? This is a 2 story house!" I snapped, he winced each time I yelled, again with the silence. Of course I didn't intend for us reuniting; after 2 years without each other, turning into a argument. 

"Koutaru, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be mad, it's your first day back and I'm already being an ass." I apologize, turning my attention to him, his head was down, hair deflated, which was never a good sign. And a quivering frown, just as I thought, he's still the delicate flower from high school.

"Koutaru.. I'm really really sorry, I'm just overwhelmed. Cuddles? I'm free all night," I suggested, opening my arms as an invitation to jump into them. He barely moved, just kept his head low. _I fucked up, big time._

"Uhm.. I-" 

"Keiji!! You talk so much now! What happened when I was gone~ You used to never talk!!! I'm so happy that I could cry again!!" I stared at him in disbelief, is he serious? I got up from the bed, didn't say a word and reached for the digital camera that stored all of our precious memories. 

He tilted his head to the left, practically saying 'hm? What are you doing?' I relaxed my face, most likely looking more deadpanned than ever, and pressed the button on top. 

He winced from the flash and I looked at the photo, wide warm yellow eyes, spiked up hair and a muscular body, that's him. "There, the first photo with you in it in 2 years." I put the camera back and headed towards the kitchen.

"Whaat? You're just gonna leave me like that?? No welcome home kiss, I feel unwelcomed Keiji~~!" He whined, trailing behind me as I go down the stairs. "I'm just going to prepare supper, since someone barged into my house." I teased, sarcastically. I made it to the kitchen, tied the apron behind my back and started cooking whatever I was going to cook, to be honest I planned to order in pizza or something, but since Koutaru is home I didn't want to look lazy in front of him.

"Wrong~! Our house now!" He corrected me, I couldn't help but smile. Sure I was mad but that conversation is over, he wrapped his big arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. 

**. . .**

I tried my best to not disturb him but reaching for the pepper on the top shelf is still hard. 

"Koutaru.. Can you get the pepper on the top shelf please?" I poked him a bit, he nodded but I could see a little smirk. He reached for the pepper, but didn't give it to me. "Please..?" He thought for a second, "hmm.. No~" he set the pepper down, took me by the waist and dragged me onto the living room floor. 

He grabbed my hand, I gripped his out of reflex and he nudged me closer with his other hand on my waist. "Alexa! Play This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory!" 

"Eh?!" I basically screamed into his ear, Alexa played the song, the all too familiar beat that I was forced to hear whenever Koutaru had his good days. I soon became attached to it as well.

"Remember Keiji? This was our favourite song! C'mon, dance with me? We never finished the dance I started in college." He requested, he then let go of me, bowed like a real gentleman and left his hand out for me to take. "I guess you're right.." I took his hand and we linked.

_Ask me why my heart's inside my throat_

The music started, I stepped forward with my left, he stepped back with his right. 

_I've never been in love, I've been alone_

We glided across the floor, I started off as awkward and nervous, then I followed the beat. 

_Feel like I've been living life asleep_

His amber eyes locked onto mine, I giggled at how serious he looked. We held eye contact as we danced, I couldn't help but smile like a idiot.

_Love so strong it makes me feel so weak_

_Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)_

The music echoed throughout the living room, everything other than Koutaru was a blur.

_Our fingers dancing when they meet_

He intertwined his fingers with mine, his hands were only a tiny bit smaller than mine. 

_You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)_

_I'll be the only dream you seek_

Our foreheads touched, we slow danced liked that for a little while

_So if you're lonely, no need to show me_

_If you're lonely come be lonely with me_

_Lonely (Are you lonely?)_

_Passion is crashing as we speak_

Our lips touched, it felt so long. 2 years without him by me, I wouldn't have survived if it weren't for texting and video calls. I don't think Koutaru could live without me, facetime is his life saver after all.

_You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)_

I pulled away for air, he showed me a toothy grin. He swayed my body to the right.

_You're the ground my feet won't reach_

And lifted me into the air, the moments being with him are special. 

_So if you're lonely_

I hoped to tell him, but that can wait. My eyes stung a little just from thinking about it, I ignored it.

_Darling you're glowing_

_If you're lonely, come be lonely with me_

He spun me around and kissed my forehead. My glasses nearly fell off.

_Underneath the pale moonlight_

_Dreaming of a circus life_

_Carousels and Ferris heights_

_I'll be yours if you'll be mine_

Our noses touched and we laughed, the living room was now our dance floor.

_Cause I'm lonely, I'm so lonely_

_If you hold me, I'll be your only_

_Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)_

"Keiji, I love you.. So much.." "I love you too," "together forever and ever?" His tone was somber, I hesitated for a second, though, it isn't bad to reassure him. "Forever.. And ever."

_Our fingers dancing when they meet_

_You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)_

_I'll be the only dream you seek_

_So if you're lonely, no need to show me_

_If you're lonely, come be lonely with me_

The song faded and our dance ended with both of us in a half-hug position, him wrapping his large arms around me, while I'm the one in between his arms and chest. 

He softened his grip on the half-hug, I kissed his cheek, as a sign of teasing him. He pouted big time and he kissed my lips instead, "Aw crap.. We forgot to take pictures!" "Why take pictures?" I asked, a bit confused on why he'd want blurry or fuzzy photos of both of us dancing.

"Well~ just for memories~~?" 

"Fine, I'll go get the camera you big baby," 

I checked on the food first, of course. Stew takes a while, so I guess another dance wouldn't hurt.

I recorded the dance, we picked another song which we both liked, It's U by Cavetown. A calm, slow and sad song is how you would normally describe it.

Our dancing seemed perfect on camera, but we both thought it was messy.

* * *

After a few weeks Koutaru came back home, I had to leave on a business trip for a few days, now, September 20th 2019. He's now 23, it's 5:40 in the morning and I'm back.

I quietly open the door, stealthily put my stuff down and hang my coat on the coat rack by the door. 

Koutaru usually wakes up at 6 or a few minutes after, all groggy and tired. Yet after a hug from me he's full of energy, it seems after a few days without me there to cheer him up in the morning, it affects his performance as a national volleyball player.

I stuck an owl sticker on his lucky volleyball, which he's kept since high school, a simply drawn horned owl, symbolizing him since his hair and other features are alike, and a rufous-legged owl as me. 

I've decided to make him a special breakfast on his birthday, crepes. Nutella, whipped cream, strawberries, caramel drizzle, chocolate drizzle and a mango smoothie. 

"Perfect..! Now I'll just record his reaction.." I whispered, I sneaked into our room, he's sleeping peacefully, body relaxed, tank top slightly sliding off, his chest rising up and down. I looked around if I needed anything else, _ah_ , the modern polaroid camera I bought a month ago. I took a quick photo, silencing the shutter sound as much as possible, and I dashed out of the room. The photo came out lovely.

I set the digital camera in place and hit record, I took a couple photos of the food on my phone and shared them on Instagram and Facebook, 2 social media platforms that I don't use often. 

3rd person POV

Akaashi walked up the stairs to their shared bedroom, a bright smile on his face, waiting to see his lovers reaction to his return. 

He opened the door slowly, he stepped forward to the edge of their bed where Bokuto slept, Akaashi crouched down and brushed his fingers through Koutaru's, light and silky hair. 

The latter woke up from this, his yellow eyes shun and gradually fully opened. "Keiji..?" He spoke first, his voice low and groggy. He kissed his forehead and smiled, "Happy Birthday Koutaru.. Come downstairs, I made breakfast." 

The two lovers went downstairs together, hand in hand, even though it's early in the morning, just by hearing Akaashi's voice, his energy came flowing back. 

Bokuto and Keiji ate together, happily exchanging words with each other. The camera in place captured it all, bit by bit, the delicious morning food that Akaashi made, was soon gone from their plates. Time quickly passed to 6:53AM.

Soon the frosted tipped male got to his 'lucky' volleyball, "Woah! Keiji! Did you make these yourself?" He beamed, his whole mood was a 'wow!' sound effect to Akaashi. 

"I did, it was a bit pricy to print them out though." He admitted, Bokuto admired him and the volleyball for a solid 5 minutes. 

**. . .**

The 2 males spent their whole day going out, raiding food trucks, going to the mall, Bokuto trying to convince Akaashi to wear one of the tacky t-shirts he found. 

When they were out raiding food trucks as lunch, they ran into Miya Osamu, also known as 'Myaa-sam' to Akaashi and Bokuto, the younger twin brother of Miya Atsumu, or how Bokuto calls him 'Tsum-Tsum'. Osamu opened his own Onigiri shop last year, and he runs a food truck sometimes just for extra cash or to bond with his brother who takes part in helping but not in the big shop, only the food truck. Which is named 'Mini Onigiri Miya'.

Osamu and Akaashi had a quick chat while Atsumu and Bokuto were rambling about nonsense, they had a few snacks on his menu, paid and left with a standard goodbye. 

As Bokuto and Akaashi arrived home, Kuroo called and said that he'd arrive at their house with Kenma in 10. 

The 3 hours that passed were filled with laughter, joy and fun. Kenma was the usual, he recorded it all for a youtube video for content on his channel, which seems to be growing everyday. Kuroo challenged Bokuto to many things and broke a few minor trinkets the 2 collected over the years, which they both barely cared about.

**. . .**

"Hey Keiji~" Bokuto called out, Akaashi looked away from the TV screen and up at Bokuto. Who's eyes are glued onto him. "Yeah?" 

"Wanna play volleyball? This house has a large back yard anyways, so we don't have to travel far." A hint of nervousness was in his voice, Akaashi noticed this decided to ignore it. "Of course, we'll play with a normal one or your lucky one?" He got up from under Bokuto's arm, Bokuto thought for a second then his eyes lit up, "My lucky one! Can we record it too? Pleaseeeee Keiji~~?" His pupils dilated and had a heart melting affect on Akaashi, he nodded and got the camera. 

_The video from this morning_ , he thought. He quickly looked through it, and went outside following Bokuto.

A few sets in, the camera placed on a table under the Weeping Cherry tree, leaning on a half full pop can, the wind passing by, a romantic scene you could call it. 

"Keiji! Your tosses are perfect!" Bokuto praised, waddling over to get the ball that he spiked seconds ago. A simple, 'thanks..' came from the black haired one, after a few misses and spikes. They stopped, purely out of exhaustion. 

They stood there, side by side, in the middle of their backyard, staring off into the sky, a lovely sky blue dusted with clouds. "Your tosses are perfect for my spikes.." Bokuto trailed off, Akaashi stayed silent, he never knew how to handle compliments. 

The amber eyed one turned his body to the greenish-blue eyed one, got on one knee and took a little, black box out from his pants pocket. "Just like how your perfect for me," he opened the box, a majestic, silver ring with a blue-green gem in the middle circled by extra silver details. 

A cool wind breeze pasted by, time went by slowly for Akaashi. Years after dating, he was the one to pop the question. 

"Keiji Akaashi, will you.. Be mine and I'll be yours? Forever?" Unknowingly, Akaashi's eyes glistening through his glasses. while a tear streamed down his cheeks. "..Yes.. Yes!" 

Bokuto slipped the ring on Akaashi's left hand's ring finger, he stood up and was tackled with a hug. They shared a kiss, by the weeping cherry tree.

The camera captured the lovely moment, each second of it.

Akaashi and Bokuto rewatched it and were in tears of how happy they are, boyfriend to fiancé. The news of their engagement spread quickly, MSBY Black Jackals fans were extremely astonished to hear that one of the players are engaged and are proud. He was questioned and congratulated by many, Akaashi however was showered with praise at his work station.

**. . .**

The couple held their wedding the next summer, a marriage under the blazzing sun, the trees and sun giving it perfect lighting and shadows. Kuroo and Kenma as Koutaru's best men, and Keiji's cousins as his 'bridesmaids'. Koutaru insisted that they change his last name to Akaashi, although it isn't according to the law since there aren't many gay marriages in Japan, the woman usually takes the husband's surname but Koutaru wanted to spice things up.

Although, even through their 7 years of dating, Koutaru never asked about Keiji's father or mother, now I suppose their his mother and father-in-law. He hasn't met them, the excuses were always 'family issues', 'not now.' 'maybe next time' and so on. When Keiji's father was supposed to walk him down the isle, though it was his cousin. 

Keiji's favourite photo out of them all is a photo with him by Koutaru's side with Kenma and Kuroo behind them holding the peace sign.

Keiji's mother was supposed to attend, but didn't come. 

* * *

_Reminder: Akaashi is 25 and Bokuto is 26_

Akaashi's POV

_Work.. Seems difficult now.. It's slowly getting harder_. I complain, it's been a few years since our marriage, everything is stable. Koutaru's occupation as a national volleyball player is wonderful, my pay check is great. Although I know that I've forgotten something, but I just can't remember what it is. Each passing day I feel like my memory is gradually disappearing.

"I'm home.." I announced, with very less enthusiasm than I thought. "Welcome home Keiji~ don't forget! My volleyball game is this weekend!" He popped his head from the kitchen welcomed me home with a bright smile.

"Right.. I'll go write it down on the calendar so I don't forget." I hung my coat, took my shoes off and headed towards the calendar that was by the fridge. "You used to be so organized~ but you forget things easily now.. Like how you forgot to give me a goodbye kiss this morning~! Maybe your getting old Keiji!" Koutaru teased from the far end of the kitchen.

I picked up a sharpie from the glass full of pens we have on the kitchen island, "I'm not old Koutaru, I'm still a young adult. If anything, your getting old. But here, as an apology." I walked up to him and kissed him right on the lips, he was too shocked to kiss back. 

It was rarely ever me who showed much actions of affection. Only on special occasions.

I just strolled passed him and left him there to gape his mouth open in shock, "Hm.. this weekend.." I mumbled, the sharpie hovering right over November 5th 2022, a Saturday. Which is in about 3 days, since today is November 2nd. _Wait, today is November 2nd?_ I checked if anything was happening today, and I was right. I had a yearly check up at the hospital in 30 minutes.

"Ah.. Um.. Koutaru can you drive me to the hospital, just this once? I have urgent business there..!" I ask, already by the door putting my coat back on. "Eh?! Can't you drive Keiji?" I tossed him the car keys, and left the door wide open for him to come out, "Sorry Koutaru, but I'm a bit too tired.." And with that, it convinced him to drive. 

Usually it's always me who drives, he isn't the most responsible person when he takes over the wheel. 

**. . .**

We stopped at the red light, Koutaru had a serious look on his face. Meaning he has something to say, it's probably about the check up since I always tell him everything. "Koutaru.. You have that look on your face. What is it?" I broke the silence, he hesitated but let out a huff of air. 

"Why do you have to go to the hospital?" His tone, frighteningly deep. I moved my main view onto the road, the light was still red. "I told you, important business." A 'tch' sound came from him, I'm a bit disappointed that I let myself lie. 

"What kind of business would a manga editor have at a hospital?!" He snapped, I glanced over to him, his eyes weren't focused on the road, but onto me with a blazing persistent glare.

"The light's green Koutaru, go." I answer, cold. Just how I used to answer people, no emotion and no care in what they had to say. 

He pressed the gas and took a left turn, "hmph. Just tell me.. Please? You always disappear on November 2nd, each year. Do you think I'm that blind to not notice?!". Those words stung, I always thought that he wouldn't notice the little things due to his short attention span. "It's just a yearly check up." I admit, not going into too much detail that might worry him. 

He drove smoothly, passing through cars and soon into the hospital parking lot. "For?" He backed up into a empty parking spot, "it's nothing serious." I lied. He looked at me weird, he parked the car and I tried to get out, but it was locked.

"You promise it's nothing serious?" He tilted his head down, eyes glistened with a hint of sorrow. I smiled and kissed his forehead. "I promise." 

We entered the hospital together, he waited outside while I got the series of tests to determine if I have it or not. It took a long time, too long for Koutaru, that I know. 

Once I left the room, he sprung up from the seat and asked if there was anything wrong. The doctor wanted to say something, of course he didn't know how special I am to him, though he's reliable and tries to get close to me, our friendship broke when I was in high school.

"Sooo?" 

"Nothing is wrong, let's go home now." I lied, he left with a huge smile and a happier aura. I looked back at my doctor, I held up a 'shh' sign with my finger over my mouth. Signaling not to tell him, his expression turned from a surprised look to a relieved smile. Somehow I got the message.

_I'm happy that you found someone._

* * *

_Reminder: Akaashi is 26 and Bokuto is 26._

3rd Person POV

During the last weeks of 2022, snow made the outside world coldly pretty. The day light mixed with fresh snow was Keiji's favourite thing to take pictures of, although he didn't like going out in the cold. He took photos from the bedroom balcony and occasionally took photos with his one and only true love, the plainly white layer of snow gave it more of a pop effect he once said. 

Yet, during the last few days of December, the cold got to him. He'd shiver and have jerky movements, those progressed rapidly at night. His birthday was celebrated during the day so no one could notice, only 1 person knew about it. 

Winter soon passed, the jerky movements lessened but that doesn't mean they disappeared completely. The days where Keiji reminded Koutaru of every little thing were in the past, it was now up to childish male to remind the stoic male. 

Even when Keiji was depressed for unknown reasons, or whenever he got mad, he'd ask Koutaru to take him out for more photos. Of course, Koutaru was always confused on why go out to take photos when you aren't ok? Once in the middle of February, Koutaru got a call from Keiji's work, saying that he broke down while working. He took the day off and had the whole day to calm down, even so he got on his knees to beg Koutaru to take him out, saying that it'll make him feel better.

It's still unknown to Koutaru if it's just a habit he picked up from college or it actually makes him feel better.

The little things became noticeable, Bokuto was healthier than ever of course, but Keiji on the other hand was ok. 

His glasses didn't match up to help his vision.

To Bokuto, his world was slowly becoming frail.

Just like that box marked red with the word 'Fragile' on it years ago, when they were able to dance around without having to stumbling or forgetting the steps. Or when they were able to admire the winter scenery from outside without having to bring 3 blankets, or when they both went out to celebrate the new year without having to go home early, or when they went on double dates with Kuroo and Kenma without one getting sick. 

The changes, that Koutaru didn't like. The changes that shifts the love of his life into a shut-in. 

"Keiji." He called out, a bit wobbly at first. "Yes.. Koutaru.?" 

"We're going out, get ready and wait for me in the car," the smaller male only nodded, confused on why so suddenly. Nonetheless he did what he asked, when Koutaru finally got in the car, Keiji asked him. "So where are we going Koutaru?" He didn't answer, only kept a straight face and watched the roads. 

The car was silent except for the music between the 2, Keiji's patience was running low, they stopped at red light that was familiar to Keiji. He thought Koutaru would turn right or head straight, but no. He went left and took the same route to the hospital that they took months ago. 

"Koutaru, why are we going to the hospital..?!" Keiji demanded, Koutaru kept quiet, "Koutaru." He called out again. 

"Do you not realize what's been happening to you?! You're tired, depressed, so sensitive to the cold, mad almost at little thing, you could barely even remember what we talked about yesterday and worse, your vision is a pinch away from going blind!" The spiked up male yelled, each point that he mentioned was correct. Keiji only stared in shock, not once he's seen Koutaru, his husband who usually has a 'happy-go-lucky' demeanor, loose his temper like that. "All this, all **that** happened in only.. What? 5 or 6 months?!" 

Not even on court, he gets irritated if doesn't get a point, yes. But not so mad that he'll express it with such sharp words.

"I-I-.. um.. You're right.. I-I'm sorry.." He stuttered an apology, Keiji tried to cover his fear with sorrow. He didn't look back up at him, he only held his head down. The silence was suffocating, the music that played on the radio felt like it was fading from Keiji's ears. 

**. . .**

Keiji's POV

"Hi.. hm. Keiji you do it I don't know what to say." Koutaru said, so casually too. Just like nothing had happened in the car, he picked me up slightly and put me in front of the lady at the register.

"Hello welcome, how may I help you?" She smiled, it looked forced. Obviously working at such a miserable place must be tiring. 

"Hello, uhm.." I hesitated, I looked back at Koutaru slightly, his eyes met might immediately, telling me to say it. I know he cares for me and wants the best, but I'm sure it's nothing but regular mood swings.. "Keiji Akaashi, I'm here to see Totsa-san. Is he here today?" I introduce myself, she clicked the keys on her keyboard quickly and she adjusted her glasses, scanning the screen At one point, I could see the reflection through her glasses. 

**'Keiji Akaashi. Possible Victim of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.'**

All highlighted in red. The name of it sends a shiver down my spine, she looks back at me. I attempt to swallow the lump in my throat, "Good afternoon Akaashi-kun, I'm Rurika Yoke. He's actually been expecting you for a few weeks now. He's in his office, now. How about the man behind you?" I glance back him, he's still staring sternly at me. "He's my husband, he isn't here today for anything other than driving me." Her face relaxed a bit, he probably scared her, considering she has a tiny figure.

"That's cute, he can wait out here or-" 

"Hold on, can I be in the same room Keiji's in? I don't want him to tell me any more lies." No filter or anything, "Koutaru.." that sentence drew a lot of attention from others. "Of course. You may go in Totsa-sama's office now," I bowed and Koutaru went on, I wanted to ask him how he could be so calm right after a fight. But that would make things awkward.

**. . .**

"Oh, Akaashi-kun and..?" Right, I haven't told him much about my personal life. 

"This is my husband, who's now Koutaru Akaashi, Totsa-san. You can call me Keiji, just so no one's confused." I reassured him, he looked quiet shocked. It's not normal for a costumer of some sort to let someone who's only doing their job to let them call them by their first name.

"Ah! You're the outside hitter for the MSBY Black Jackals, I'm Kenoru Totsa. It's nice to meet you Akaashi.?" He hesitated, but held his hand out for him to shake, he shook it with forced enthusiasm. 

"Just call me Koutaru Doc!" There, the energetic Koutaru I know and love is back. 

Totsa-san smiled, he told me that almost all of the patients he deals with have anxiety, depression, or just don't like to talk, so they don't share much. He must be happy to be close with at least one patient. "What brings you here?" 

"Keiji needs a check up." 

"A-Ah.. No need to be so straightforward Koutaru.." He's still mad, it's a rare thing to see. Koutaru? A joyful person who has a great personality? Mad? You could never imagine it unless you see it.

"A check up? We had one just a few months ago though." Totsa-san is testing Koutaru now, he gritted his teeth slightly. "Yeah. He's been out of it, I'll be staying so Keiji doesn't lie again." 

"Alright, sit down and we'll begin."

**. . .**

I stayed quiet the whole time, it wasn't anything new, just the regular tests. 

"I thought check ups were just saying if you're alright or not! What's all this???" Koutaru's voice filled the room once he saw the brain electrical pattern machine, "You haven't told him..?" Totsa-san's voice was directed to me. I shook my head no, I never liked talking about it, it was a sensitive topic for me. Even now I could cry about it.

"Told who what?" Clueless as ever. "Akaashi-kun.." Totsa-san forgot already, "I told you to call me Keiji so no one's confused." 

"Koutaru, right? These measure the brain's activity, this can detect certain changes in the brain, this is for spinal fluid testing and finally, PMCA an amplification  
to show me misfolded protein aggregates." He explained each machine and testing thing to him, it looked like he understood, but I know under that he understands nothing.

"Ok! But why do you gotta do that to Keiji?" 

"Keiji could have a disease, that's dangerous. And possibly-" 

"It's not that dangerous, don't worry Koutaru. **Don't worry**." I lied again, he seemed to buy it and I was at ease. 

Koutaru not worrying about me is all I need.

**. . .**

3rd Person POV

Koutaru sat through it all, even when Keiji was put on drugs for testing. 

He now understood why last time he took so long, after the lumbar puncture Keiji had a minor headache. Even so he still did the Electroencephalogram, it was amazing to Koutaru at how he handled it. 

**. . .**

Keiji was tired after the tests, but he has grown used to them over the years. He laid his head on Koutaru's sturdy shoulder, waiting for the results from Totsa-san, Koutaru wasn't mad anymore, he was sorry for how rough he was with Keiji. 

The room was filled with the dim sound of breathing, a few clicking sounds on the computer, Keiji was ready to sleep while Koutaru still had lots of energy, just that he had to contain it, which is a very hard challenge. Minutes have passed, Keiji was sleeping soundly beside Koutaru on the far right side of the large room, the athletic male checked his phone, _3:04 PM April 25th 2023._ It's been about an hour since they've arrived.

Taking Totsa-san's words, he said to the married couple that if they wanted detailed, accurate, results they'd have to wait a while. Last time was a somewhat accurate result that only told Keiji that if he doesn't show any signs of **CJD** within a few weeks, he'll be good until next year. 

While Koutaru was looking over the room again, the door creaked open, he thought it was Totsa-san, since he left a while ago to transfer the data. 

"Koutaru and Keiji Akaashi?" It was a female, she had a professional attire. Much like how Keiji used to be, well he still is.

She scanned the room, but found 2 males on the right side sitting next to each other, one asleep and the other wide awake. "Hm? Hi!" He greeted. She smiled, but gripped her clipboard harder.

"Ah, Koutaru Akaashi. I'm Akemi Akira, you two are a famous couple loved by fans." She stated, holding up a smile. Koutaru grinned, but doing this, his shoulders were pushed up, causing Keiji to wake up. "Oh..! Sorry Keiji." He apologized, a simple 'it's ok' escaped his mouth. Once he fully opened his eyes, he saw Akira-san holding a clipboard. _It's the results.._ He thought, he pressed his lips that they became a thin line. 

"Nice to see you again Akaashi-kun." 

"Please save the small talk for later, Akira-san."

. "Sooo, where's the Totsa-dude?" This broke the unsettling silence in the room, "Koutaru, please have manners and call him Totsa-san.." Keiji pleaded, he only smiled meaning that it's a 50/50 percent chance that he'll do what he asked.

She pulled a few strands of her hair behind her ear, "well, Totsa-sama left me to tell you the results. He had to go for an urgent meeting with a patient." She informed them, coating her words with a sugary sweet tone. 

"I see.." Keiji mumbled, adjusting his glasses so he could view the room and who's talking properly. Under that calm, cold and stoic face, lies a whole bundle of uncertainty.

The room seemed to be muted, no sounds were heard, not even the gossip from nurses in the halls. To Keiji, time was like it was reduced to the most slowest setting. The words that Akira-san and Koutaru exchanged, were inaudible to Keiji, he was zoned out, but wasn't. He was able to speak, but couldn't. It was all random.

"Akaashi-kun. You will be staying in the hospital until further notice." 

Those words hung in the air, those words started Keiji and Koutaru's downfall.

* * *

Akaashi's POV

It's been about 5 days since I've been in the hospital, the revolting white walls, the smell of flowers that died ages ago, this uncomfortable bed that I'm stuck to. It's all.. Different. 

There hasn't been much change, the usual twitching or uncontrollable jerky movements. My vision is still getting worse, the nurses and doctors say that their trying to find something to help my eyes. The calendar and clock help me remember what time of day it is. It's not home but it's fine, I guess.

Koutaru visits daily, everyday around 4 PM. But he's late this time, an hour late. _Something must've happened at practice, or did he have a game today? Whatever, it's not something to dwell on._ I dusted the blanket; that I requested the day I was first imprisoned here, for the 100th time. There isn't much to do, other than looking out the window and admiring the outside beauty or playing a game on my phone.

Which I've already done, I got bored of playing the same game. 

I tried to have a chat with Kenma, though the conversation ended quickly since today is his and Kuroo's anniversary. They know of my condition, it's not something to cry about. _It's not like I'm going to die the next day._

I thought for a second about what I said in my head, "that didn't help.." I muttered, sighing in disappointment. 

"Keiji? Who're you talking to?" Ah, at least someone came to accompany me.

I smiled, a little weaker but it doesn't matter, a smile is a smile. "No one Koutaru, how was your day?" I asked, patting the end of my bed, signaling that he should sit down. His eyes sparkled, he set his sports bag down by the door and gleefully sat down, but at the cost that the bed tilted a little. 

"It was awesome! We won the game today! Tsum-Tsum's sets were on point!" He cheered, voice lively as ever, his passion for volleyball is still ablaze. 

I scooted closer to him, reaching out to play with his hair. Koutaru noticed and leaned into my palm, "is that so? It must've been a nice match then." 

"It was! Though.. We would've won by a milestone if you were tossing to me Keiji!!" His compliments about my tosses never end, I was a talentless setter, not like Kageyama-kun or Atsumu-kun. The only ability I had was analyzing one's emotions, that was it. I had no strong point, I enjoyed playing setter for the team of course. 

"I'm positive Atsumu-kun's tosses are better Koutaru." I countered with a innocent smile, he pouted and his hair deflated a little bit, this happens when he gets sad. "Why're you sad Koutaru?"

"You won't be able to set to me anymore.. Not when you're stuck here~!!" 

"Well, once they let me out I'll toss to you." I reasoned, it wasn't much of a lie. I'm perfectly fine but they insist that I'm not.

We stayed in this position for a while, me messing with his hair, him being cute. There wasn't any chatter between us, just the beeping of the heart monitor and the leaves rustling from the wind passing by. I may have zoned out, seeing as Koutaru was staring down at our marriage rings, sympathetically looking down at our marriage rings.

He caressed my hands and looked back up at me, "why?" is all he said. His hands are now a tiny bit bigger than mine, or maybe just the same, he squeezed my hand lightly, in hopes of a positive answer.

I narrowed my brows, somewhat confused at what he's asking why to. "Why? Why what Koutaru?" 

"You know! Why're you're cooped up in here! Home isn't home with you~!" He whined, his sturdy broad figure now makes him look like a soft hearted baby, which he is.

"I'll be back home soon, the doctors just need more time." I handled his emotions and breakdowns well in high school, but I don't know if I could still do it. After all, I'm not the one who's in control of him, I learned that years ago. 

He frowned, I couldn't tell if it was a genuine frown or if he was just being childish. "You can wait for me, right?" The emotion in my voice, was more clearer than I thought it would be. It wasn't like my usual, more heartfelt and ambitious in a way. 

His eyes sparkled like a diamond, a cute grin, ear to ear, showed on his face. "I'll wait years for you Keiji!"

* * *

"Akaashi-kun..? A visitor is here to see you, she claims to be your mother." A nurse came in, she's new, nervous and shy. "Ah, let her in." I didn't correct her in calling me Keiji like any others, it's no use. They know our names and can call us by them or not. 

She nodded and went to let the visitor enter, a small, healthy woman entered, short black hair and narrow green eyes. I smiled, "nice to see you mom." 

The nurse quietly left, thinking that it was a personal or family issue that we have to discuss, which is correct. 

"You've grown a lot. Keiji." Is all she said, she set her bag down on the floor beside the chair she sat on, which is by the window. " I have?" 

"A lot, I remember when you were a little boy, you didn't talk much with others. You were diagnosed with depression." I knew where she was going with this, and I don't like it. 

"I'm happy now if that's what you're asking." 

"I know, the ring on your finger tells me all about it. I missed the wedding years ago, I regret not going. I'm sorry." She eyed my ring, the same silver one with a special gem Koutaru proposed to me with years ago.

"It's fine, it was in the past. Why come visit now?" It was hard to ask that question without sounding rude. "My son is in the hospital, how could I not know? Your husband isn't good at keeping secrets from the news." I knew Koutaru would spill it one day, but I never thought it would be so soon.

"You're suspecting that I have Familial Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, I don't have it." The displeasing look on her face was evident, her stare practically said 'you're lying to yourself.'

Our staring contest took place, no one said a word, not a sound, "...You don't sound positive Keiji. I know it's hard, believe me, your father was in the same situation." I wanted to burst, I don't know why, I just wanted to.

"You know, but you don't! I'm dying! I'm dying and this is what you say to me? I only turned 26 a few months ago, I'm not ready to give up! I'm not ready to leave!" For the second time in my life, I poured out too much.

Truth be told, I didn't want to have children, or be in a relationship, or get married, since I was always warned by family about our 'cursed' bloodline. I never told anyone, and I don't want to tell anyone. _But Koutaru might be an exception... No, he won't know until time is right._

"I can feel you thinking about it, it'll be ok. I'll visit soon, I still love you Keiji." With those words, she got up and left. I wanted to say that back, but nothing came out of my mouth. Not once did she visit again.

The click of the door echoed, now that I think of it. Time passes quickly, but once you get in the moment, it's slower than a turtle. A few months ago it was my 26th birthday, a few years ago I got married, years before that I was in college, and around 9 years ago, I was in high school, loving life by Koutaru; I still do. I wonder what my life would've been if I didn't see him play, or enroll into Fukurodani. _Maybe I wouldn't be in the hospital right now, no._ That doesn't matter, as long as I spend enough time with Koutaru. it'll all be fine.

"Keiji..." I heard my name, it was a disappointed voice or more somber? Maybe both, I looked at where it came from, Koutaru. His mouth, hanging open, eyes in disbelief, body still. He must've heard the conversation me and my mother had.

Forcing the affectionate side out of me was tough, but I don't want to hear Koutaru be sad right now. "Oh! Koutaru, how was your day love?"

"Y-You said that you're dying, i-is that t-true?" He asked, tears breaking away from his eyes. He isn't going to let the topic go, I can't sway my way out of this anymore. "No, I'm not dying. It was a lie Koutaru, please don't misunderstand." I lied again, I never realized how much I hated lying to him like this.

"Don't take me for an idiot Keiji!" Those words stung, I flinched, _have I been treating him like an idiot?_ "Are the doctors lying to me? Saying how you're fine but there's just something they need to check? What's Familial Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease anyway?! Don't say it's nothing big, I wanna be helpful to you too! I may be a childish adult but I'm not an idiot!!"

The question 'What's Familial Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease?' in Koutaru's voice haunts me, he's crying already. He gradually scooted closer to me, I didn't know what to do other than pat his head.

"It's a brain disorder, the real name is just Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. My dad's side of the family was basically cursed with it, and now I'm the one who's cursed."

"Why didn't you tell me!?" His pleading voice was heartbreaking, the more he knows, the more it'll affect him, mentally, emotionally and physically. I know he knows what the cursed part means, it's all too obvious.

I hesitated for a while, ".. I didn't want to affect your performance..." I admit, it's shameful, I know. But he has such a good career and it'll disappoint many of fans and friends.

"Who cares about that?! I'm your husband aren't I?"

"Of course!"

The room goes dead silent, it was more tense than awkward. Ever since I've been cooped up in here, the more agitated he's become. I don't want to admit it, but I've become just as alarmed.

"There's a cure right? Right?"

"..." I wished he wouldn't have asked that. "Keiji!" He gripped my hospital gown, the rim of his eyes red, hair a mess and clearly desperate for answer.

"No, there's no cure." I was blunt, too blunt for him. I always thought that he was used to my blunt nature, but he got used to my caring one over the years. I don't like this.

I don't like any of this.

* * *

From what the doctor has told me, it's been 2 weeks since I've been here. 

The walls are painted black sometimes, but then they go back to being a plain white, the clock goes faster at some hours, then slower at others. The floor tiles look like a nice wooden floor, though their just truly cement. 

Everyone says that it would happen, hallucinations are 1 of many symptoms of this disease. It only gets worse from here.. _It only gets worse. Right._

Their mild hallucinations, nothing serious they say. Koutaru shortens his visits to 2 or 3 times a week now, not daily. I get calls and texts, I'm certain he's still hurt from the fight we had, we've been getting into fights lately. Whenever he doesn't text me or call me, I try and keep up with Kenma playing Animal Crossing or Pokemon GO, though I'm losing terribly. 

It's nice company, I get to watch Koutaru's matches on the TV across the room, right under the clock. 

He's shining more than ever, a star player. 

I wish I could still be playing volleyball with him, but I'm fragile to other people. Not entirely fragile, just, less physical.

Udai-san visited for a short while yesterday too, _or was it the day before?_ Never mind, he told me all the news that's been happening in the work space, I'm still getting a pay check which I knew by my boss sending me an email hours earlier. And that the manga he started years ago, is now coming to an end and that he has a new idea for a new one. 

"Hey hey hey! Coming in Keiji!" Right, I forgot that today Koutaru was bringing Kenma and Kuroo along.

He barged through the door, loud and proudly, behind him was a looming figure, only slightly taller than him, half of his hair spiked up and the right side of his hair is down, his bed hair still won't cooperate with him. Kenma was by Kuroo, head down, playing on his switch, the only difference is his hair, he keeps it in a tiny ponytail now. "Hey Akaashi-kun!" Kuroo-san was the first one to properly greet me, Kenma looked up, "Hi Akaashi.." 

I smiled, still the same but not. Kenma has his own company, a youtuber, a stock trader and a professional gamer. He's very good at it and is busy most of the time, "Long time no see Kuroo-san, Kenma." 

Kenma wandered over to the seat to my right, "..It hasn't been that long, we chatted yesterday.." 

"Ah right, we did. Koutaru did you bring the camera?" I asked, the look on Kuroo-san's face was hilarious to Koutaru, "Eh? Pictures?? I look like a mess!" He panicked and rushed to the closest mirror and started to comb his hair with his fingers. 

A light laugh came from Kenma, "I texted you about how we're taking photos, and you didn't listen.. Heh.." 

"What!? Bokuto you airhead! You could've at least told your own best friend about this! Come here!" They started to quarrel, throwing meaningless insults at each other. Kenma didn't do anything to stop it, neither did I. It'll only get worse if we interfere, besides they'll take care of it on their own. 

"Please don't fight so loudly in a patient's room, you all can go into the garden now." The nurse from before, a high, light voice just tops off her appearance. Petite, shy, cute and funny in a way. "Oh? Now? Alright! Let's go!!" Koutaru stopped and helped be get up from the bed, moving the IV pole as I walk. Kuroo and Kenma waited for us at the door with the nurse, "I didn't know which one you wanted so I brought both!"

I gave me the polaroid camera that I bought off of amazon years ago, and the digital one that's even older, "Thanks Koutaru." 

**. . .**

The nurse helped us take photos, scenery photos, silly photos, group photos, individual photos. 

The garden was very lovely, it is early May after all. Most of the photos we took didn't have me in them, considering that I look like a mess, staying in the hospital makes me look like I'm a shut-in who hasn't been outside in years, Kenma barely smiled, we all decided to take photos of him whenever he wasn't looking. Me and Koutaru got the polaroid camera, Kenma and Kuroo got the digital one.

The polaroid photos, whenever they printed out, it looks so perfect. I love photography, it's a type of art that you don't paint, draw, or act. It's something that takes time, just so you get something called 'picture perfect', and that's what Koutaru is in every photo. He's perfect.

The day seemed like it was prolonged, the sun stayed right in it's place. 

I was taking a break from running around, _still tiring as ever_. I thought, I laid back on the bench, relaxing for a minute or 2. Until I heard Kuroo and Kenma's conversation.

"Kuro, I don't like this photo. How do I delete it?"

"Hah? You don't know?" 

"..No."

"Hm? It's just Bokuto's back, what's wrong with that?" 

"It's only him, is what bothers me.."

"..Here, I'll delete it."

And that's that, I'm sure the nurse heard it too. After all she was a few feet closer to them. She looked towards me, but didn't say anything to me, but her face says it all. It's a mix of worry and sympathy, I'm sure Totsa-san or Akira-san told her about the disease. Though it's a secret, plenty of people know, a unspoken secret.

No one talks about it, but we all know about it.

A faint smile, the only thing that appeared on my face other than despair.

_click_

"Hm?" 

Bushes rustling, it was Koutaru. He had a photo in his hand, waving it violently in the air trying to make it appear faster, "Keiji! I finally got a photo of you smiling!" He jogged towards me, showing me the photo, I waited a few seconds before it became fully clear. My glasses aren't helping much anymore.

"..Oh.. It's beautiful Koutaru." I complimented, the lighting, pose, timing, everything. It was perfect, me on a bench surrounded by flowers and bushes, the IV pole next to me, the sun light on me, making my glasses seem almost invisible, the lighting complimented my eyes. My eyes stung, I touched the skin under my eye lightly, a tear. I was crying.

"Ah! Uhm.. Are you ok Keiji??" He asked, kneeling down to my height. I wiped the tear away and smiled, "Yeah, it's just a pretty photo. Can I keep it?" I asked, a faint blush appeared on his cheeks as he smiled, "Of course! Let's go Keiji! There's still so many photos we gotta take! I need to beat Kuroo in photo taking!" 

Right, they made a bet on who can take better photos, Kenma and I are the judges since it's content for his channel. It is different from his regular content, but he says it's an exception.

**. . .**

"That was fun!! Keiji you'll print these out right?" Everyone came back inside, tired and hungry. Except for Koutaru. 

The nurse helped me back onto the bed, "Yes, you'll hang them on the wall right?" 

He grinned, put his hands on his hips and had a proud look on his face, "Hehe! Of course!!" Kuroo and Kenma were cuddling next to each other, Kenma of course was focused on the game, Kuroo-san doesn't seem to mind. They are childhood friends after all. Kuroo-san is a little butt hurt since Koutaru won the bet, only by 2 points, he now owes him a fancy, expensive meal of meat.

"I'm keeping this one, right Koutaru?" I reminded him, before he took it and forgot that he let me keep it in the hospital, I'm keeping it for a special reason too. "Hm? Oh yeah!"

Time passed quickly, even if it seems that we only spent 15 minutes taking photos and enjoying ourselves, it was actually 2 hours. No wonder their exhausted, we talked for the rest of their visit. At some point, there was a cat stuck in the tree, Kuroo and Kenma caught it and saw that it had no collar, they basically adopted it. Koutaru had this silly idea of adopting an owl, of course I said no.

Kuroo laughed at him, they got into another childish fight. 

Kenma recorded it.

"We'll be leaving now, bye Akaashi-kun!" Kuroo left, Kenma followed, head trying to stay up. He stopped at the door and looked over to me, "See you soon Akaashi." 

"See you." 

Koutaru flopped down into a chair and sulked, he was pouting. "Koutaru, why are you pouting?" 

"Jerk didn't even let me say good bye! I'll go up to that rooster's house and stick so many sitcky notes on his house that say 'thanks for letting me say goodbye jerk face!' Hmph!" Ah, he's mad at Kuroo. I chuckled, "I'm sure Kuroo didn't mean to."

"Hmph!" 

Until visiting hours were over, me and Koutaru cuddled, he held me in his arms, even with the IV tubes. 

He told me that I was getting thin. 

Am I?

* * *

Seconds, hours, days, weeks, months. I don't know how long it's been.

They say it's the end of summer, they treat me like a child. Having eyes everywhere, they give me anti-depressants, painkillers, anti-seizure drugs, I have to rely on them for help all the time. I can't remember the last time Koutaru visited, he called me once crying. I don't know what he was crying about but I only know that I was completely calm the whole time.

I can't walk anymore, once I heard one nurse, who I got to know overtime by her big mouth, she gossips about patients and their personal life. It's rude, I don't know why she still has this job, she said that I was insane whenever I saw things, and that she didn't need to help me due to my condition will take care of me in a way. 

Like I once saw snow, or was it rain? More like grain falling, I asked her why there was grain falling, she was changing the flowers in the pot, red spider lilies a pretty flower with a horrible meaning, she told me I was just crazy. 

I was lost in thought when the door opened, I wanted to turn my head and check who was there, but my body didn't want to. "Keiji.." 

"Keiji..." 

"Keiji, it's been a long time. I'm sorry." The 'I'm sorry' was tearful to hear, it's been so long since I heard his voice. Where did he go exactly?

"K-Koutaru.." My voice finally came, when I tried to see where he was, my double vision wasn't helping. "Wh-y have-'t you v..sited? It w-as dark with..out yo-u." Difficulty speaking, is one of the symptoms as well. It hurts me just to talk.

He didn't answer, he was beside me, on his knees and sulking. I hesitated if I should play with his hair, I placed my hand gently on his head and my fingers took their toll in his white hair, mixed with black streaks. 

He looked up at me, eyes watering, "You sai-d that you li..ked it wh-enev-er I pla..yed with yo-ur hair, do you n..ot like it n-ow?" It was completely irrelevant to the situation, but I felt like I needed to remind him that I'm here, he hummed in response and kept staring at me. I softened my gaze and laid my back on my pillow. 

"Can I be.. Honest Keiji?" He asked, he wasn't looking at me anymore, but staring at my feet or just at the wall. "..Sure." 

He breathed in, and out, each passing second felt more pressuring. I prepared myself, I was already on the verge of tears. I don't know why. "I love you, I love you.. Don't go. I love you, I miss you, I care for you! Don't go.. I was left behind, yeah. But you can't leave me too, you can't! We haven't even lived passed 30! Don't go.. I'll do what ever! Just don't leave, I'm scared Keiji.. I believed you when you said forever and ever!" 

I never thought that I would shed so much tears after a speech of some sort. 

"I wan-ted t..o be..liev-e mys-elf w-hen I sai..d it." I admit, my voice breaking with each syllable. He cried silently, wetting my gown and blanket. 

The sounds of sobs filled the room, the downfall and misery was taking it's turn. "Why?! Why are you so calm?! I'm nothing without you! I wanted to grow old with you, I wanted to brag about my love life with you on the news more, I want to at least see you turn 30.. It's so early.. Why!?" He bursted, his voice was so angry yet sad, I know he meant it as a act of love. 

I turned my view towards him, I can't image how sorrowful and pitiful I looked. The salty tears tickled my cheeks, I smiled out of pain. It didn't matter if I was on painkillers, this was a different kind of pain. The internal pain that you'll always feel.

"Bec-ause, I..m 'calm, coll-ected and lo..vable.'." I used his own words he used to describe me when a news reporter asked why kind of person I was, the realization on his face was so.. Heart breaking.

"I only sm-iled f..or yo-u, I onl..y laughe-d for you. I d-id everyth-ing for y-ou, I don..t want t-o le..ave you eit-her.." It's only more saddening if I continue, but that's fine right? "I kne-w I ma..de the right d-ecisi..on when I ap-plied to Fuk-urodani af..ter seei-ng you pla...y." 

"Why..?" His eyes were begging for answers, I kissed his forehead and held him close. "I ha-ve a gift for y..ou, it-s n-ot time to op..en it ye-t. Thi..nk of it -as a rea..lly early birth-day pre..sent, okay?" I requested, he didn't even answer me. Just kept staring, staring with a tear dripping down his face.

"Wait fo-r me, can yo..u do th-at?" 

Koutaru swallowed the lump in his throat and responded, "..I'll..Try..." 

* * *

3rd Person's POV

The next day, Keiji Akaashi went into a coma. The doctors said that it was best that he did, Keiji was in-during pain while even breathing. The pain killers didn't have any effect anymore, the medication barely did anything to help.

Gifts, and flowers were stacking up behind and beside Keiji, each one having the words 'Get well soon' on them. Nothing was dangerously wrong with Keiji at that moment, the doctors even predicted that Keiji could even wake up and that it was most likely because of exhaustion in moving his limps or not eating. 

Weeks passed, and the doctors predictions were wrong, he didn't wake up, just laid there on the hospital bed, IV tubes and a IV pole attached to him, a heart monitor still beeping regularly, a breathing mask on him, fogging up every time he exhales. His eyes still closed. 

Koutaru visited the hospital daily now, he changed all of his plans, which was hard without Keiji having to help him, he moved them all to a later date of re-scheduled hours later or before. 

He sat in the same chair, laying his head low while holding Keiji's soft, fragile, cold hand.

He had no one to talk to there, but the presence of just knowing that Keiji was alive, eased him a little bit. But all good things had to come to an end.

"Koutaru-kun, Kuroo-kun and Kenma-kun. I'm sorry to interrupt your visit with terrible news.." It was Akira-san; the nurse who informed the married couple that Keiji had to stay in the hospital. Was here. She wore the standared nurse outfit, held the same wooden clipboard with only 1 singular paper attached, a pen, a phone, a thin paper-like square and a letter resting on the smooth surface. 

Kuroo was the first to acknowledge her presence, Kenma looked away from Keiji's unconscious body and to her. Koutaru didn't hear her, he didn't want to hear her. Kuroo nudged him, "Bird brain. Listen to the nurse will ya?" He hissed, he stuck his tongue out at him and looked at her with a plain expression, one that his lover always made.

Akira-san took a deep breath in, "..We'll have to turn life support off." the words 'life support' and 'off' struck Koutaru, like arrows aiming for the heart. And not the loving kind.

"What?!" 

"Eh!?"

"..." 

None of the 3 had words to explain on how confused they were, Akira-san shifted her sour expression into a pitiful one. "We can't support Akaashi-kun any longer. He's basically a breathing corpse."

"What?! What happened to the doctors predictions?! You can't just do that! He's only been in a coma for a few weeks!" Kuroo slapped his hand over Koutaru's mouth, shushed him angrily. "Calm down would you!?" Kenma stayed silent, blinking back tears, he wasn't the one to show affection in big ways, only in subtle ways. Koutaru bit his hand and he recoiled back, caressing his hand, "How would you feel if Kenma's life was on the line huh?!" Kuroo shut up after that.

"Exactly! So why?!!!?" 

"I'm sorry, but we just can't support him." Is all she said, tears started to break out, "...I'm just going to step out for a moment." Kenma excused himself from the room, "You'll still have plenty of time to say your goodbyes." Akira reminded him before he stepped out. 

Kuroo followed after Kenma, not saying a word. Koutaru stayed, Akira-san left to let him do what he needs to do. 

He kneeled on the floor, holding Keiji's hand tightly, sobbing silently into his hand. "Keiji... You'll wake up, right? You'll be there in the morning right? You'll kiss me goodnight and sleep in my arms, right? I don't want to be left alone." The latter never opened his eyes, which pained him even more. 

Not once did Koutaru have to worry about Keiji dying, or being in danger. He thought that they'd die old and happy, or at least together. 

But young and in misery? It was the worse case scenario. 

"I love you! I've said it over a billion times in my head, a million times in letters and texts, and over a hundred in person! How many times will it take for you to wake up!?" He begged the sleeping male, who can't hear him, speak to him, nor look at him. 

His sleeping face was always beautiful, angelic and a blessing to Koutaru, but this? This isn't a blessing, it's a curse. 

"I wish this was a picture that we could delete." He said between tears, he wished for this to all be a lie, a falsehood, a distortion of some sort. 

However, this was the reality they lived. 

A unhappy reality.

**. . .**

Day by day, each one of Keiji's family members showed up to say goodbye, they all agreed to stop life support since there was no hope. Koutaru didn't want to admit it, but agreed anyways.

"..You said that you'd be home soon." Koutaru muttered, "you said to wait." he continued. "I guess you'll have to wait for me then.." He tried to look on the bright side, but that didn't help. "I'm sorry that I wasn't the perfect husband for you..." At this point, he's the one making himself cry. "But you were perfect.. That was wrong, you're perfect. You'll always be perfect to me." He corrected himself and put it in present time, making it sound like Keiji was still alive. 

The heart monitor sensed no life after he finished his sentence.

Crying, crying seemed like the only thing he could do. 

Loneliness, misery and suffering. All apart of mourning.

**. . .**

"Akaashi-kun.." Akira-san called out, Koutaru was about to leave, it was already late. His hair was deflated to the point you wouldn't know that It's him anymore, it covered most of his eyes too. His eyes were rimmed with red from crying, he looked so tired. 

He turned his body towards her, "yeah..?" his voice practically says 'let me go home'. She held out a polaroid photo, a phone and a letter to him. "Happy.. E-early birth..day. Is what he wanted to say to you." Her words were unsteady due to the connection she had with Keiji, but she kept herself together.

He looked at the phone before realizing that it was Keiji's, it was almost dead but the lock screen wallpaper was him and Keiji in their Fukurodani jackets before going to nationals. The photo too, it was blurry for a few seconds due to the tears that were forming in his eyes, it was the photo he took of Keiji on the bench. A tear dropped on it, marking a tear stain on it.

He left with a simple nod and drove himself home, he wanted to inspect the phone and letter in private.

Koutaru locked the door behind him, went into the bedroom that they once shared, it smelled empty. It always smelled empty ever since Keiji was stuck in the hospital. He charged the phone so it wouldn't be dead by the time he finished reading the letter.

With every shaking bone in his body, he opened the letter. Carefully opening the top of the envelop, he pulled the letter out and started reading. 

_ Happy early birthday Koutaru. _

_ I never said it enough to express how much I love you, it's strange isn't it? I loved everything about you, but I rarely talked about it. _ _I regret it. _

_ Can I still love you? From above or from below? Are you still angry? I'm sorry. I probably sound like an idiot right now, or at least a sappy idiot. Did I ever show you my playful side? I can't remember, I'm getting side tracked. It's hard you know? Being sick and barely being able to see you, it hurts whenever I talk. Everything hurts Koutaru. But can I say everything that I've been wanting to say?  _

_ I miss you _

_ I love you _

_ Lets dance _

_ Cuddles? _

_ I'm here _

_ All those words I wanted to say at different times, but never did. 'I'm here' probably doesn't matter anymore. Whenever you weren't there to visit, I planned everything for this. For my death. I'm sorry, for leaving. Smile Koutaru. I know you aren't smiling, your smile brightens the whole room. Say 'Onigiri' Koutaru.._ _! _

_ Can you do me a favor? Check my phone, everything. Texts, notes, everything. It's all for you. _

_ I'll wait for you now. Don't rush it, please. _

With the last words of the letter written, Koutaru noticed that the letter was now stained with a few drops of tears. He gripped the letter harder, he wanted more words from Keiji, it was a short letter, short and simple. But it wasn't enough for Koutaru. He tried to smile, trying to be happy yet it brought him sadness to force a smile.

After a few minutes of silently crying, he went to check on Keiji's phone. It was around 92% the charging process was very fast, considering that it was almost dead. He unplugged it and opened it, admiring the lock screen for a split second. There was no password, but after opening it it looked like a normal phone. He checked different apps, to his surprise there was no social media apps, no YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, nothing. 

The only apps on his phone that were open were Photos, Messages, Voice Memos, Calendar, Notes, Contacts, Camera, Weather and Safari. The basic apps everyone starts off with. 

He checked Messages first, though he always respected his husband's privacy, checking it, was.. Strangely guilty for him. 

The only contacts that were there, was him, Kenma, Kuroo and his mother's. The last time he and his mother texted each other was years ago, he didn't check that one saying in his head that it was Keiji's privacy. He has no right to invade. Though in his letter he specifically said to check everything, "Fine.. You win Keiji.." He mumbled to himself, sighing on defeat he clicked each contact.

**. . .**

After checking each conversation they all had, each one was saying how great Koutaru was. How much Keiji loved him. 

"I hate this.." Koutaru muttered, convering his eyes with his broad arm, laying on what used to be his and Keiji's shared bed. He got caught up in it all, he forgot the time. 

A couple of deep breaths, he reached for Keiji's phone, grazing his fingers on the back of the phone with had 2 owl stickers, the same one on his 'lucky' volleyball. He plugged in his earphones, he missed Keiji's voice. His touch, his warmth. It hasn't even been a day with him fully gone, and it already felt like hell. 

He used to go to sleep saying that Keiji was still alive, convincing himself that he'll live. But now, it's different. Keiji isn't there.

Once after seeing every conversation, he figured that on Voice Memos his partner recorded himself, and his hunch was right. Over 20 recordings, he pressed the first one. Not knowing what'll happen. 

_'Sleep Koutaru, you need it. Here, I'll sing if you'd like.. Maybe hum you to sleep?'_ Those were the first words, he didn't respond to it. He just let Keiji's recorded humming do all the magic. 

The recording lasted 15 minutes, Koutaru fell asleep within 5 minutes. At the ending, Koutaru was never conscious to hear it but it always ended with _'sweet dreams'_

* * *

_ Reminder: Koutaru is now 34.  _

It's now early April, the sun is out, the flowers are blooming and it's peaceful.

Koutaru was now 34, he retired a few months ago, even if he's still energetic, his body just doesn't want to move like before. And especially after losing a loved one, it was difficult, his pride was damaged and his courage was decreased knowing that **he** wasn't going to shower him in kisses once he came home after a good game like he used to. 

Scoring 1 point looked and felt like it wasn't possible, his teammates had to cover for him most of the time. It wasn't easy. 

Now, he was wandering in the cemetery by Keiji's grave, leaning on his back on the stone. Listening to his voice recordings, each one giving him more of a reason to cry. The photos saved on Keiji's phone were all precious, most of them had Keiji and Koutaru and a few had Kenma and Kuroo either in the background or the ones ruining the perfect photo.

A calm breeze blew by, brushing against Koutaru's exposed skin and hair, he looked out onto the field, a few families were there visiting. He narrowed his eyes, frowning a little. 

He selected his favourite recording, one that always comforted him. _'You're picture perfect alright? Take a photo and smile, the only reason I was interested in photography is that I get to store the memories with you. Smile.!'_

It was rotingly cute, he smiled when he told him to smile, more of a forced grin, the longer he stayed there, the more he wanted to cry. 

"You're here.. You're here." He reassured himself, the wind blew harder. He smiled, really smiled this time, "I still miss you."

Silence, nothing after.

Just the wind, his breathing and the muffled voices from afar. 

"..."

"I hope that you're still waiting." He didn't need an answer, the atmosphere was practically telling him the response _'I am'_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! It's a little shorter than I thought but that's fine, I hope you enjoyed it!  
> -Lazy_kawa(aka Me<3) remember to drink water! And maybe a few energy drinks>:3


End file.
